Holding Space for Myself

When was the last time you truly held space for yourself?

Have you held space for yourself today?

What does that even mean, some may ask. Holding space can be simply pausing to acknowledge your feelings without judgment, creating a safe mental and emotional environment for yourself. 

I’ll tell you what it means to me.

It’s being compassionate toward myself. It’s taking time to shut the door on the responsibilities of constantly meeting everyone else’s needs before my own. It’s sitting with myself and allowing myself to feel. Asking, “What do I need in this moment?”

It’s where I reenergize, where I fill my own cup instead of someone else’s, where I speak kindly to myself.

Yes, all those beautiful things you say to others but rarely say to yourself.  I use that space to pour into me.

I recently held space for myself on Mother’s Day.

This Mother’s Day, I gave myself rest.

There was no fancy dinner. No gatherings. No dress code. No hosting.

And it felt freeing.

After coming off a demanding 12-hour shift and driving home that morning, being festive was not on my to do list. The last thing I wanted to do was show up for anyone.

I slept past noon, and seeing my daughter’s smiling face, wishing me a happy mothers day filled my heart. I know she wanted to celebrate me, but I didn’t want to celebrate. I wanted to curl back up in bed.

My mind was on overdrive: What should I post? Who should I call? What should I write, study, prepare, or clean? What’s for dinner? And all the happy Mother's Day messages sent with love had to be replied to.

I just wanted to scream. Cry. Escape the demands.

And for once… I did none of it.

Knowing my beautiful 13-year-old daughter wanted to take me out to lunch, I reluctantly showed up. Honestly, even showering, getting dressed, and showing up felt hard. I went kicking and screaming on the inside, but in the end, I thanked her, showing up for her is showing up for me, because she is my world.

The change of atmosphere calmed me, my thoughts stopped racing, and I was present in the moment.  I realized what was really important was sitting across from me, and that I wasn’t holding space for me and what truly mattered. 

When I got home, I put on a movie and let myself sink completely into it. I put away all the “shoulds” of life and simply loved myself.  Did the guilt trip of relaxing slip into my mind? Yes, it did. Did I allow it? No, I did not.  I fed it truth; I told it I worked 4 days of 12-hour shifts; I showed up for everyone else, but me, and this is my time.  If I am not rested, I can’t show up as my best self in any situation that life will bring.  After a while, the guilt thoughts went away. 

Holding space for myself is not always easy. It takes self-awareness and digging through the dirt of life’s demands, but it is so rewarding. 

If holding space for yourself feels hard or nonexistent in your life, I’m here to support you. Remember, your worth is not defined by how much you do, and taking time for yourself is a sign of strength.